Election Week Baby Check!!

As you can see this was a successful Baby Check. Although we always prefer a real baby, President Willie is still technically a puppy, so we filed for an exemption and a temporary permit was granted. Luckily, this crisis was averted, but we had to work our way passed outdated and draconian laws and grease the palms of corrupt officials to get the Baby Check done. We need change!!! We need to have a more efficient and more flexible government that can use new technologies to streamline the Baby Check processes. We need more transparency and oversight of the Baby Check industry. We need to give tax credits to those companies that keep the Baby Checks in the country and stop sending our Baby Checks overseas! Being that this is an election week, we urge you to vote for the candidate that you believe can reach across the isle and work with both parties to ensure swift resolution when we have a Baby Check crisis (such as this evenings). If you want your children to have the same Baby Checks as you had growing up, please make your voice heard and vote "Pro-Baby Check" on November 4th!!

Baby Check?

+"Is this how to a Baby Check"?
-"No Grandmother, that is not a proper Baby Check."
+"I never was good with technology."

1993 Badia a Coltibuono

This wine introduces itself with earthy, gamy scents, but air it out for an hour and you'll notice fruity aromas. This isn't a wine to match with strongly flavored cuisine; it needs lighter pastas, baked vegetables, or simple meats (game, or even poultry, preferably chicken in a bag) to bring out its subtle flavors. This wine pairs well with The Ken.

Baby Check: The Berkshires Edition

Sometimes you need to perform a Baby Check even when it seems as if the Baby Check should wait until a more appropriate time. Lucky for us, the lovely bride chose to put the reception on hold while she performed the very first formal Baby Check in history. Not only was it the first formal Baby Check, but it was also the first one on the east coast. This was also the the only Baby Check that scored a perfect 100 points. The Management was so happy with the results of Baby Check: The Berkshires Addition, they are considering moving shop back east. We may also be ending our policy of "Casual Friday". Flip flops are now unacceptable, bow ties are encouraged.

Pause......then serve

This is the M27. I don't think I will ever be completely satisfied with an ordinary "drip" machine again. "Pause and Serve" is dead to me. Seriously.

Cheque de Bebé

Cheque de Bebé!! If your Baby Check preference is Spanish, press 2.

Self Portrait

Cowboy Glass

Baby check!!!!!

BABY CHECK!!!! Unfortunately, this was a failed baby check. The assistant didn't even seem to care that the diaper was on the outside. On the upside, we have prevented a possible catastrophe. Unfortunately, it takes an event like this to make the higher ups realize that by performing frequent Baby Checks we are actually saving money and saving valuable man hours.

Specimen drop-off

I just like this photo. I took it yesterday in a closed down hospital we were working at. The open door you see is to the "specimen" drop-off room. You can pick up a specimen here too.I don't know about you, but I would almost always prefer to drop a specimen off than pick one up. Either way, I like this picture.

Spit shines and Zambonis

This is a shadow cast from a can of Krylon Matte finish and a few other things. Sometimes, if I need to make something shiny not so shiny, I use Krylon Dulling spray. If I need to make Shiny not shiny at all, I use Krylon Matte finish. Our world seems to try and make everything shiny. It seems like our world world is obsessed with shiny things. We spend a fortune on making things shiny. We wax and buff and polish and rub. Spit shines and Zambonis. Thats what we are all about. Next time I see a good Zamboni shadow, I'm going to get a photo.

More focus issues

Portrait of a little seed of some kind over there in the corner.

Evil bunnies and pool parties

Pool party! I especially enjoyed Robert doing his "Little Bunny FuFu" bit about the evil bunny with fangs. He's really got the hand gestures down! He tells such good stories. Thanks Robert.

Sidepocket Waffles

Parking garage- levels 5, 6, 4, ?. I like this picture. As I was taking it, I was thinking about a song about Sidepocket Waffles. According to the song, "nothing is better than Sidepocket Waffles". It may seem that this parking garage and Sidepocket Waffles have nothing in common. They don't. I know that their are Sidepocket Waffles because there is a song about them. But I can't say that there is any such thing as a Parking Garage Waffle. That would be silly.

Simple Pleasures

Parking garage at work. Level 5 on a Sunday morning. Fathers Day to be exact. I like this picture. Morning light and plenty of free parking. Simple pleasures.

Pillars

The pillars of a good Sunday morning.

So famous....

"If I could travel back in time, I would travel to a time of of glamour and beauty and fame. Like old dreamy Hollywood with champagne baths, and men in suits and hats. To a time of long convertibles and Sunset Strip debauchery. I was born at the wrong time. I should have been a starlet, all glossed up for the executives and the press photographers. I could wear the hell out of a short mink jacket if I had access to one. I would be the toast of the town. I would take the town by storm and rip it up and throw it away like a losing lottery ticket. But no, I'm just a girl from China, born into a world of florescent lighting and strip mall architecture. The best I could achieve in this day and age is a bathroom perch in Highland Park. Although, I have been thinking was that with the advent of the Internet and cheap optics from the Motherland, I can make myself a star. I don't need some cigar chomping producer trying to make my career for me. Yeah, thats right. I can do it myself. I can show my business to anyone who cares to look. I can post and blog and text and go viral! I can be on t-shirts and stickers and coffee mugs in your virtual shopping cart. I can sell my likeness and my stories to anyone and everyone with an eye for beauty and an internet connection. I feel renewed and I feel as if I have a new direction in life. I'm gonna be a star!!! I'm gonna be so famous, I'm gonna be a casual 20 minutes late to my 15 minutes of fame."

"courtesy" photo

Photo "courtesy" of Sony Pictures. Don't tell, o.k.?

Focus issues

+ Mom?
- Yes Dear.
+ I don't feel so good.
- What's wrong?
+ I can't seem to stay in focus.
- Yeah, you don't look very in focus. Both of your Grandparents were terribly out of focus. It's probably genetic.

Exit Poll

I took my own exit poll . 95% of the people I polled reported that they were "leaving". The entrance poll was exactly the opposite with 95% "just coming in".

Gallus domesticus ceramicus

Still life with a ceramic candy dish chicken.

Super Giga Baby Check!!

If you don't have a baby handy you can use a "stand in" when you need to perform a Baby Check. For example: If the "suits" come around and you need to look busy, you could go to your locker and get some giant beef jerky. If you don't have any more, or only have a half eaten giant beef jerky, you can substitute a sack of potatoes or a skate board deck.

Phyllis Diller

Phyllis receives fan mail at:

Phyllis Diller
11365 Ventura Boulevard
# 100
Studio City, CA 91604

Hot Dog Quota

I have a hot dog quota. If I don't have enough hot dogs the world can quickly become unstable and start falling apart around me. We all know they are made of pig snouts and ear lobes but once it's all processed and packaged uniformly in a non threatening pink color it's all good. It's also one of the only foods that no one has tried to improve upon. Not that they don't offer variety, but no one has made "extreme" dogs, or "power" dogs, of "fitness" dogs. Everybody seems to be in agreement that hot dogs are just fine how they are. I would have to agree. Sausages are good to. Especially the "fitness" sausages.

Boxers or briefs?

+ Mom?
-Yes Dear.
+Are ducks better than chickens?
-In what way?
+You know, are we better in the eyes of God?
-Does it matter if we as ducks are better than chickens?
+The other ducklings think so. They talk bad about the chickens.
-Don't get involved in the other ducklings games. You just worry about being the best duck you possibly can be.
+How do I become the best duck I possibly can be?
-Do what you think in your heart is the best for every situation. Always think towards the positive and try and help out wherever you can. Don't engage in gossip. Don't take what's not yours. Use your manners and always wear clean underwear.
+Boxers or briefs?
-Boxer/briefs. It's a hybrid.
+What about thongs?
-Only chickens wear thongs.
+I thought we weren't any better than chickens in the eyes of God?
-Were not. Ducks just have more sensible underpants than chickens.
+I am confused.
-Welcome to the big leagues.

Happy Anniversary!!!!

We're all a little weird. And life's a little weird. And when we find someone who's weirdness is compatible to ours, we join up with them and fall into a mutually satisfying weirdness and call it love, true love. - Unknown

Happy anniversary my love. Life with you can be as effortless as a Slip-n-Slide on a hill and more rewarding than a helping old ladies across the street. I can't imagine life without your laugh and your willingness to be silly. You are the one for me. Happy Anniversary!!!!

Fire safety adviser

This is a portrait of a Fire Safety Adviser.

Chains on my brains

Happy is the man who has broken the chains which hurt the mind, and has given up worrying once and for all. Ovid (43 BC - 17 AD)

I worry a lot. A least the chains that hurt my mind are all sorts of pretty colors. The colored ones hurt a little bit less. Just a little.

True love

Dear Coffee Maker,

First off I would like to tell you that you are the most beautiful coffee maker I have ever laid eyes on. The way your stainless steel looks as the sun is just starting to come up. The way your smell fills the room. That last little blurpity noise you make as you have just used all of your water and you steam a lot. You have never let me down, not once. I have failed you, like when there was no coffee in the house or when I ran decaf through you in a fit of desperation. I really apologize for that. Anyways, I wanted you to know that you are not unappreciated. I have so much respect for you and feel honored that you would ever even have given me one 8 cup pot let alone at least 1500 or so. I'm not saying you are old, I'm just saying you have always been there for me, for many years. I love you with all of my heart.

Love, Andy

Perception

"Genius means little more than the faculty of perceiving in an unhabitual way." - William James

Mistakes happen

Poor little duck thought he had achieved enlightenment for a second. Turns out it was the Thai food from lunch.

Not of this world

“I am not of your world/But fear me not/I will do you no harm/Lend me your funky mind/And I will play with it”- George Clinton

Interesting

Interesting is the new beautiful.

Heaven?

+Mom.

-Yes dear.

+When I die, will I go to Heaven?

-No.

+Why not?

-You're a rubber duck.

+Don't rubber ducks go to heaven?

-No.

+Why not?

-It's very complicated.

+Oh. I am confused.

-Welcome to the big leagues kid. Can I fix you a sandwich?

+Sure.

Hard drive failure

Please be advised: By order of the stewards and on the advice of the mac store, this blog is being suspended until I have my hard drive replaced. I apologize for the cramp in your lifestyle. -Andrew

Pulmonary Valvular Dysfunction in Children With Ventriculovenous Shunts for Hydrocephalus: A Previously Reported Complication

"pulmonary insufficiency was described as a previously unreported complication. It was, in fact. reported by us in Chest (59:344, 1971). Of further hemodynamic interest in our case was the finding of tricuspid stenosis resulting from the catheter." - Wally

"I am as confused as you are"- Frank Andrew Scott

I think this will be on my tombstone. Not the picture... the quote.

Gotta go? Laid back? Over there!

Here is a sign guiding all of the nonchalant to their facilities.

Baby check, take 3

Baby check. Good check.

To whom it may concern, Please check yourself before you wreck yourself. Thank you for attending to this matter promptly. Best regards, The Management

Portrait of a ten year old

Devil? Angel? ......Dangel!

Record Temps

Record temperatures in southern California.

Bookends of my month

Josie
Patrick

Epistemophobia

Epistemophobia is the fear of knowledge. Don't be scared by what I am about to share with you.

-The longest recorded flight of a domestic chicken is 13 seconds.
-Twenty percent of all car accidents in Sweden involve a moose.
-More people are killed by donkeys every year than die in plane crashes.

Please use your new knowledge with care and for the betterment of mankind, not for selfish reasons. O.K.?

Successful relationships

Some of my longest and most rewarding relationships have been with coffee makers. Aside from that one in Arizona that one time, all great!

Bookends of my day

A.M.


P.M.

Baby Check

Baby Check.......Baby Check........Baby Check.......??????Wait a second......Here try again......Baby Check. Good Check!!! Sorry, I forgot to turn it on! My bad. Baby is fine. Carry on.

outtakes

This is the gag reel and outtakes from my film. Please refer to my posting where you can view my film "Do-it-center Desparado", its the post called "My Own Film". Just click on the picture and the reel will play. It's quite short. I did not give credit earlier to the Director of Photography- Patrick Cady, my bad. If it doesn't play right away, be patient and keep trying.

Rastapublican

This is a picture of my friend Harve. Harve is most likely the only rightwing Republican with Dreadlocks. Harve is a man of many talents. If socializing was an Olympic sport he would at least be an alternate on the team. His greatest achievement has to be keeping his eyeball in his head. It's only come out of his head once in the last 16,423 days!!! Nice job Harve!

Squid check!

This is a picture of my friend Kay. Kay is a very unique individual. Here are somethings Kay can do. 1. Paint a picture. 2. Milk a cow 3. Have 742 ideas in a day. 4. Make a mean portable blood puddle. - Here are some of the things Kay cannot do. 1. Enjoy a mushroom. 2. Leave a surface bumpy. 3. Get that squid smell out of her van. Kay is the exact opposite of those guards in England with the big hats who don't laugh. Keep up the great work Kay and don't leave squid in your van for more than a few hours. O.K.!